09.06.2012 – Saturday
So I’m here now..
On a dim isolated corner of the lake, having no clue as to why am I here.
Before me I see the lake. On its one side is the busy national highway all lighted with the street lamps and bustling with vehicles passing by and on the othe side is the village which is hardly lit. I can see the stark contrast. I’m here in one of the dark gullies leading to the lake.
I needed to feel peace and so I left home in search of a place where I can find it. And I have no idea why I chose this place. Its a moonless sky. None of the stars have shown their faces yet. Its summer and its hot. Evenings are a lil less torturous than the days. And that is why I could dare to come out in this advent.
The embankment of the lake is under construction. So I cannot go much closer to the lake. But I do wish I could touch the water. I have this feeling that if I touch the water it will somehow take away the haunted feelings residing inside of me. But then that’s just a feeling.
I try hard to concentrate on the various sounds that I can here. All I here is distant sounds of vehicles. Yes I also can here the sounds of the keertan coming from the lakeside gurudwara but its too faint.
I’m not going to write about any philosophy aur give gyaan. I’m not going to write about my sorrows, pain, difficulties or any kind of feelings. I’m void inside as of now. Not numb but just void. As of now not even a single soul in this entire world, in this giagantic planet earth knows where I am. And this feels good. This void feels good. This feeling of ‘gone missing’ feels good.
I’m wondering right at this moment, how many people are thinking about me. And when I get this thought images of the people I know conjures in my head and my next thought is are they thinking about me? If they are then what are they thinking about me? Do they love me? Do they hate me? And the next thought is ‘does it matters?
I’ll start back home now. It is sort of my farewell to this place. Am I nostalgic? No. For nostalgia we need memories worthy to be smiled at. May be I’m just here to thank this place for tolerating me long enough. I’m going home now.