I am living in a constant fear. Terror actually. It is there throbbing with my heart. It rises with the rising sun and diminishes as the day goes by. But it never goes. It haunts me in my dreams too. Nothing good is happening. Not even in my dreams. Everyday I wake up scared. I am becoming paranoid.
This terror heightens when I am in proximity of certain people. Certain people who claim they are my family. Who claim they are my blood. But still this terror heightens when they are nearby. They are not aware but mere their sight makes me hyperventilate. My appetite goes for a toss. It becomes difficult for me to swallow even my most favourite food. And this terror is growing everyday.
I am waiting. Trying to calm myself down, waiting for the day when help will arrive. When someone would rescue me. This is definitely not my comfort zone. But I read somewhere that success lies just outside your comfort zone. But why do I find myself weak. I dont want to become weak. I want to become strong.
I am afraid of questions. They question each and everything about me. I have no answers to their questions. They question why I feel what I feel. When I try to answer, they snub me because my answers are not what they want to hear. They want to know the reasons on the condition that the reasons suit their standards. They have physically cut me off from my world. And in their world, I can feel my bones trembling inside of my flesh. Bones of my legs, bones of my hands. Even as I type this, my fingers are shaking.