…and where do i begin?

I stare at the blinking cursor my mind devoid of all that I wanted to put here. I start typing with a hope that maybe as I start typing something will strike me and I will start writing. But nothing still. There is an intrusion. I panic a little. I stop. But then I remind myself that this needs to be done.

I want to reach you. I have no idea that whether I will be able to do it or not through this. No one should know about this. This time I am going to be extra cautious. Be extra wary. Strict anonymity.

I am in captivity. It is a strange captivity. There are four walls. There are more walls than those four walls. Walls inside of me. Walls that are coming up brick by brick. And one of these days either of the two things will happen. Either these walls will succumb me and I will give up my being to them or someday I will gather enough strength, enough courage and will break these walls and runaway. Runaway from this captivity.

I have no clue what I am doing. Whether what I am doing is right or wrong? I have no answer to the million questions that keep raging inside my head. At times in my conscious, other times in my sub-conscious. They never go away. They never go silent. It’s just that their volume at times increase and at times decrease.

Intruders are here again. I can have no peace. I live in a world where intrusion is masked by the name of concern. They watch me. they watch me all the time. They want to read my words. I don’t want them to. They read me and that is one of the reasons that they have made me captive here. They don’t get me. They just don’t understand me. they cannot let me have my space. And I am suffocating. Their embraces smother me. Their smiles embitter me. Their reasons enrage me.