These days I feel like screaming at people. I want to scream my rage out at those whom I have never screamed at. People, who come scream at me whenever they want, who dump all their rage on me and go away. All I do is listen to them silently, speak to them softly with a hope that may be, may be my calmness would help me ward off their rage, may be it will help them calm down too and understand what I feel. I understand their concerns, I understand their anxieties. But are they even trying to understand me?
I have a lot to say. But I am not able to. I thought maybe I’ll write it all down here. But this place isn’t safe anymore too. And it saddens me. I dunno whom to blame. I feel like running away from everyone. Probably end myself so that it can be end of all my miseries. But I will not do that. I can’t give up this time. I want to live. All I want is I want to live it the way I want to and not in someone else’s way. I need strength. I have a lot of fight to put up. I am breaking every moment. But I can’t afford to. I may cry right now. I am trying hard to hold back my tears from escaping my eyes.
I am having trouble accepting the fact that I cannot keep everyone happy. But am I wrong to expect that maybe I can convince them and in the end all be happy? I don’t want to harm them. I love them a lot. But they think I don’t, just because a chose a different lifestyle for myself. Oh God! Why is it all so difficult? Cant I just fast forward my life and see what is going to happen? The anxiety is killing me.