Just Another Day…

She stood at the bus stop waiting for the bus. This was nothing new. It was part of her daily routine. Just another day, she thought. It was 9 am and the usual crowd was there. At 10 past nine the bus came and she boarded it. Due to lack of any vacant seat, she stood clutching the handle above. The bus moved at its usual pace through the same route that it daily took. She busied herself by looking outside the window. This was also part of her routine. She did this just to avoid the chaos that kept raging in her head. She did this because it helped her divert her mind from the warring thoughts that spewed in her head.

The conductor approached her and she was distracted from her trance. She dug into her handbag to get her bus pass and presented it to the conductor. Her actions seemed a bit enraged. She had no clue about the reason but she knew she was a bit restless today. She was more than glad when the conductor finished his ritual of inspecting her pass and moved on ahead. She sighed in relief and got back to looking at the moving world outside that heated box.

The bus stood at a signal waiting for it to turn green. She looked out side through the front windshield at the traffic that had stopped at the signal. Cars, autos, bikes and nothing unusual. She saw a couple on a bike few meters ahead her bus. She couldn’t see their face but the way the girl held the man’s shoulder, she knew they were a couple. She smiled a meek smile, a little saddened as if reminiscing some distant memory and casually looked away. Her eyes drifted over the other vehicles that stood there and as was her habit she started totaling the digits of the vehicle registration plates. She continued it until her eyes reached the bike of that couple.

And suddenly everything went blurred in front of her eyes. The oxygen in her lungs seemed to have been sucked out of it. She almost lost her balance and held the handle of a seat nearby just to keep herself from falling. It was “him” on the bike. That was “his” bike. She looked keenly just to be sure. Yes it was him. She could clearly make out his features, his built. Hurriedly she pulled out the scarf from her bag and held it to her face. She wanted to run from there but she had no escape, so she resorted to hiding her face.

The signal turned green, and the traffic started moving. Slowly the bus paved its way through that traffic overtaking the vehicles in front of it. She held the scarf more firmly over her face as the bus neared the bike. It felt like an eternity while the bus over took the bike. She closed her eyes as the bus passed beside the bike. She opened her eyes and even though she didn’t want to her eyes involuntarily moved to look at the person riding the bike. That confirmed her fears.

They were laughing and chatting. She removed her hand from his shoulder and placed it across his waist. He smiled, caught her hand and pulled her closer to him so that she could hold him more firmly. She smiled and blushed and he said something with his brightest smile. And that was it. She shut her eyes once again and looked away hiding her face with her scarf. A tear escaped and traversed the short distance of her cheek and got buried in the scarf.

No one knew what had just happened. Every soul in the bus was oblivious to the hell that she had just returned from. She stood there inside the bus, weak-kneed, somehow holding herself from falling. She held back her tears while her heart broke into a million pieces once again and scraped open the wound that had taken almost an year to heal. She let her go numb and the bus moved ahead in its route accelerating its pace.

Broken Links…

Today I sit and look through a past where I have lived and lost so many connections. Friendships to be precise. As a kid I always thought friends are my life. But today that thought has completely changed. From what I have seen and observed I have come to the conclusion that there is no guarantee of any friendship. And you cant really blame anyone for this. 

Every person who is there in your life has a role to play. They are there in your life because the one who created us so intends. Some have big roles some very small and some have the roles like the “blink and miss” kinds. And once their part is over they will slowly move out of your life even though you would want to hold on to them forever. It is a fact and a proven one that in most cases family is the only one who stays in your life permanently. Friends come and some go away, some fade away and some just reside as the blurred background in the picture of your life.

It has happened with me too. People have come and I actually mistook to convince myself that they will be with me for a lifetime. I treated them with more importance than my family. But then time made its move as it had to and those friends moved out. They are a mere haze of a distant memory now. Many times I have blamed myself for letting them go. But then again I have defended myself too saying that it always takes two hands to clap. May be just the way they fazed away from my life even I have fazed away from theirs. 

Some friendships succumbed to lack of communication, some met with misunderstandings and died and now what is happening is something that my mum always warned me about. Now my friends are being distanced because I am no more important to them. Rather there is someone who needs to be placed at a more important position than me. Considering the fact, even I am withdrawing myself. It almost feels like packing up my stuff and getting ready to exit their lives. 

Now that I think of it, I know that I really have no grudges, no hard feelings, no negativity at all towards any of them. I have accepted this as the play of my destiny. I have accepted the fact that nothing and no one is going to stay with me forever. But still… somewhere there is an ache in my heart and probably when it thinks about them it weeps silently over the loss of each beautiful friendship that lasted while it could. It smiles at the happy memories and enjoys the sessions of flashbacks that it is subjected to at times. 

Each bond was special. Each has left me with something that I can never part away with. Each has made me a better person. Each has been the best that they could be. Each has been irreplaceable. Each has been precious that their loss has left an empty space in my heart. But then the fact remains that none of them was forever. And I  have to stop expecting that either any of them would be there forever. 

I know there would be many who would argue that my thinking as completely wrong. Who would argue that there are friendships that remain forever… for a complete lifetime. That it actually needs efforts to maintain them. Yes there would be many who would despise me for thinking what I have expressed here. I do not intend to contradict any of those humble souls. I have just put in here what I have experienced till date. It is not necessary that everybody has the same experience. 

While I put in here all this, one more important aspect that I dare not forget is the play of Time. Time… the most inconsistent… that keeps the world dancing to its tune. It changes… never remains same… and when it does it changes everything and everyone. I doubt there is anyone who has been left untouched by it. And so am I. I have changed from a person who used to think that friends are her life to a person who knows that no friendship has been permanent. I do not know what time has more in store for me. I know not what my beliefs and thoughts would be tomorrow. So I would not blame myself or hold myself guilty for any thought that I have expressed here. I have changed. And I know… I will change. 

Still somewhere in the corner of this stupid heart there is a tiny flame which keeps burning with the hope that one day when I am counting my last, I will have someone to call a friendship of a lifetime. And may be… the search would still be on. I expect no commitments from anyone. Its life after all to move on and keep moving.

To each one who has ever been part of my life anytime, I pray the best for you and hope that if you remember me anytime it is with a smile and not any bitterness. I apologize for every deed of mine that may have hurt you and seek your forgiveness. I wish well for you and would always do.

What you are to me !

The green for my eyes.
You are the blue
Of my skies.

The peace of my heart.
You are the piece
Of my soul.

The sun of my days.
You are the rain
For my thirst.

The light in the dark.
You are the fire
Of my hearth.

The caress of the breeze.
You are the wind
Beneath my wings.

The color of my rainbow.
You are the rhythm
Of my heartbeat.

The most cherished place.
You are the sanctum
Of my solace.

The one favorite book.
You are the word
Defining me.

The pearl of my shell.
You are the spark
Of my passion.

The map of my journey.
You are the reach
Of my destination.

The blood in my veins.
You are the lines
Of my destiny.

The dream of my life.
You are the truth
Of my being.

Rumination of the Blues !

A strong desire
To wipe the screen
Of  memories of past.
But then what will
I call my own?
What will define my being?

A thought strikes
Almost like a flash
Like that of a lightening.
And then disappears
And then another
But none stays.

I blink and it escapes
That weary tear
That was welled up there.
Just one eye cries
The other looks
Oblivious of the state.

I trace the lines, the ones
Adorning my palms.
I seek amidst them
Some forgotten destiny
Some abandoned dreams
Blind to what they preach.

Questions are what
I see in those eyes
The ones that stare.
They look back at me
through that silver mirror,
And then I question them back.

Does it matter ?
Success of others !
You are not a failure yet.
The question that matters
The one thing vital,
Stands before you.

That is no loser
Who stares back,
If it is not you
Then it is no one.
But then you know
It is you.

Human you are alas !
Be easy on self, child.
What matters is
Being a better one.
“Have you been
The better human being ?”
Now that is the question
You ask !

I dug some old graves. Visited a place which I know I do not like. It makes me sad. It makes me negative. It almost makes me feel like a loser. And I drown into the gulch of jealousy and negativity. A pit so dark that it scares me. I don’t like it. I scream at myself on the inside. Outside… I cry.

Times like this really makes me question myself. And I start depracating myself. But then today I reminded myself my own words, “that until we fail to face ourself in the mirror, we haven’t really lost it.”

Looking through the Mirror…

And here is what they see… 

What does a looking mirror say? NOTHING… You do further introspection and it says, you are just younger than your coming tomorrow, and just inching more closely to your death. It also says you have long list of to-do’s go ahead do it now. But the question is WHAT?

It says I am able to reflect only what you truly are to you, you need to go out stand in front of my cousin called glass and see if people are able to connect with you and smile around then keep doing the thing else reconsider your life plan.

Mirror can be deceptive if you don’t see yourself through glass. Through the looking mirror I realized that I am a persona with self induced reflection which will only be worthwhile if each second my soul contributed to spread smile one person at a time. 

– Reflections of Irfan (@err_fun)

Everytime, I come to my room and stand in front of the mirror, few thoughts crop up in my mind.
The very first question is , Am I still the same? I recollect my faces till now from my past. 
Smiling ones when I was happy, teary when I was emotional. If not any human, I have seen myself only in mirror.
I try to find what I am up to? Is It okay to continue? The view basically helps me know my mental state more than anything. 

Reflections of Nikhil (@CricCrazyNiks)

“Mirror is my best friend because when I cry it never laughs at me” – Charlie Chaplin
 This is the first quote what comes to my mind  when I read the word “Mirror”.. said by greatest comedian ever…
Yes its true, who else will understand you who you are and what you are, when you look in to the mirror…. like your friend right?
“Kaun apko aapki  kabiliyat par bharosa dilayega? Or zyada udne par zameen par laayega” your friend your mirror…  who will understand you better than anybody else is your best friend your mirror..

Reflections of Piyush (@friendli_ghost)

बाहर से जैसे भी हो लोग, अंदर कुछ और होते है.
यकीन ना आता हो गर, आईना देख लिजिये…!

Reflections of Hiren J. (@BhootHuMain)

“Mirror, not a single day passes without looking at you. How are you so good at showing the truth? You don’t lie. I may pretend I am happy, but you, you make me stare into my own eyes and reveal the true side of feelings. You have seen my tears, you have seen my smile, you have seen my weirdest face, and you have seen the most beautiful one too. I have spent hours looking at you, trying to find the person I am. I know, with time, my life would change but you will always be there holding the deepest secrets of mine.”

-Reflections of Hiren C. (@ItsAPerfectLife)

The first time I looked at the mirror deeply was after I was told in a science class in Standard V that the silver coating is *behind* the glass on top. I had till then always thought it was on the top layer. That taught me an important life lesson that is captured in Albert Einstein’s words – Reality is an illusion, albeit a persistent one. The silver lining incident till date reminds me that what we see in a mirror is a projection; a projection of our reality through an illusory lens called perception. And like that lesson in science class we need knowledge of that illusion to peel it away and reveal the truth.

Reflections of Tareque (@tarequelaskar)

“After bearing those last two hours of office, coming out with his bag and a sigh of relief he felt better. The day had not been that interesting and past 4 he wanted to just leave the office and go home. He kicked start his Honda Eterno and started driving back to home. While driving he just looked at himself in the side mirror, his hair was a mess, eyes a bit weary and face sad. That was the reflection of his inner soul that day on his face, his conscience whispered, “You are missing her so much today but still helpless and wanting to run away to her, jump in her arms and stay there forever.” And the signal turned green where he had stopped and he found a way back to his home, the ultimate destination, as always.”

-Reflections of Ashwin (@Gods_Evangelos)

I Shall Rise

In this treacherous journey of life, I stand alone with dreams and aspirations. Thanks to the people who mocked at me, today I proved them wrong. Giving up was not an option & I salute myself today for what I have achieved. The day is not far when I rise and see the positive side of things even in the broken pieces of mirror. I know the future will be more treacherous yet I refuse to give up because I am an Hopeless Optimist. As I stand in front of the mirror, I raise a toast for myself & for the people who stood by me.

-Reflections of Prashanth (@PkPerception)

Be The You

When I looked at the Mirror, it said to me:

“You have been through a lot. Never give up on yourself no matter how tough things or situations might become. You can fake to anyone but not to me. If you fake to me, you only have to bear the guilt later on, because I am just a reflection of who you portray yourself to be. You can ignore me for some days, but not for long because every single day you have to look at me. In the end I am just a reflection and it all depends on you as to how you want me to perceive you.”

-Reflections of Prashanth (@PkPerception)

I see a little girl, a baby rather, who just learnt to stand on her feet, standing in front of her dad’s Sanyo tape recorder, listening to the song playing from it and bouncing as if to dance to it. I see a girl who is fighting with her brother to share the mirror space so that she can get ready for her school. I see a girl looking keenly at her father getting ready for the office and asking him, “Papa ye audit kya hota hai?” I see a girl looking at her mother draping a saree and possibly thinking that this is just so difficult (and it still seems the same). I see her singing and dancing to the song playing on the same sanyo tape recorder in front of the mirror in her school uniform after coming back from school every day. I see her practicing for her first speech for her elocution competition. I see her putting on her house captain sash and badge. I see her looking at just her reflection and saying, “The day you cannot look me into my eyes, is the day you fail me.”

-My Reflections

What do you call this ?

You know you won’t survive,
and yet every atom of your existence fights for survival.

You know you wont succeed,
and yet you try to make it work with all your might.

You are afraid to open your eyes,
yet you know tat you just cannot keep them closed forever.

You want to just suffocate yourself to your last breath,
yet you cannot keep the pillow on your face.

You want to shout and tell everyone what you feel,
yet you just kill those voices inside your head and never let them out.

What do you call this?

PS: Composed October 16 2010


‘Tis been a long period of denial, 
denial of something tat had to happen…
I knew that it had to happen, 
but my heart still waited for some miracle. 
‘Tis been a long period of denial, 
and the denial continues… 
It already happened, 
and still the denial continues. 
What i thought to be a new beginning, 
now seems like a stagnate moment, 
no happiness, no sadness, 
just a drone exists. 
‘Tis like a drag, 
drag of the cigarette, 
passively smoked…
Unbearable, yet I got to inhale. 
‘Tis like wandering, 
wandering in a maze 
with blindfolded eyes… 
All tat meets me is 
dead ends and darkness. 
There’s light… 
at the end of the tunnel, 
but what use it is 
when you’re blind.

PS : Composed on 8th December 2010

Living – Surviving

Look back to the day that you lived. Ask yourself… Did you “live” or just got through it?? Just survived it ??

There are a lot of questions that we need to ask ourselves. Endless questions. And the quest lies only in asking the questions and not in finding the answers. I am talking about the questions that are more important than the answers. Yes! At times its the question that matters more than the answer. But these questions matter most only when asked at the right moment. Otherwise they just leave either a question mark on our lives or scar us with a regret.

Most of us are merely running. Few running blindly and few are clueless. None of us are ready to pause for time being and reflect upon the rationality of this race. I wish if only we could stop and ask ourselves the right questions. May be then we wouldn’t run so blindly or be clueless. May be then it wouldn’t be a race. May be then we would actually move for a purpose.

Until then… The life’s journey is a mere race in a big maze. Everyone dreads it but still wants to remain in it as long as they can. And that is why they are just surviving. They dread the inevitable and mess up what is available. Death – the inevitable, Life – the available.

If only we could not dread death and could live life. If only we could find the right questions at the right time. If only we could live and not just survive.