May Be… My being…

All the way I kept thinking as to where am I going wrong. All I wanted was to make someone smile and in that attempt I ended making someone else angry. I wonder does anyone even cares as to when I feel bad?? Why at the end of the day I feel alienated? Why do I feel alone? Why do I feel unwanted and unwelcome?
Why do I feel like an outsider? Why am I not able to own up to this house? Why do I feel that I was better off alone? Too many questions and the possible answer to everything is may be I should just move out. No! I dont have any problem with anyone. I feel I’m the one who creates troubles for everyone. My presence in people’s lives is just ruining things for them. May be I’m just too unlucky.

When he was there in my life, I never felt so lonely even when I was alone, which was most of the times. He was there in my sub-conscious and now even though I’m with people I feel so lonely. I seemed to have messed up my life with my own hands. I’m tired of all this now. Wish there was an end to all of it. It is all so frustrating. I feel like a fool trying hard to live up to everyone’s expectations, because they clearly fail to see how much I’m struggling inside, but never fail to point at me as to how am I failing them at each point. I dunno what am I expecting from people. All I expect is a little space to let me breathe, but all they seem to be doing is pushing my head further inside the water. Fine… ! I feel its a fitting end for me… to die drowning like this. But all I want is to see people around me smile and may be, be one of the reason for their smile. Let me die seeing them smiling. Let my end bring on their smiles.